Tag Archives: relationships

A Question of Availability

These days there are so many things that could be wrong with a guy and ladies I am not referring to body odour or any of the potential physical defects.  No.  I am in fact referring to something which we can’t detect so easily.  I am referring to availability.  Now you may think to yourself – ‘but surely that is not a problem?  Either a guy is single or he isn’t?’ But no, it is in fact far far more complicated than that.

When I was fresh out of school I formed a rather naive theory (naive as in limited not naive as in misplaced).  I called it the Sheep Theory which illustrated my very “high” opinion of men at that stage.  Though the theory had it’s faults some of it has relevance to this topic.

The Sheep Theory:

Men can basically be divided into 6 categories

1.  – black sheep – the ones who behave badly towards woman. guaranteed.  May appear in the form of a eligible bachelor an educated man. Usually jaded and cynical. Women scare him.

2.  – white sheep – the ones you want to take home to  meet your parents. They almost rush you into a relationship and then are likely take things slowly.  They are prone to be relationship hoppers. They are most likely to treat and surprise you though some of them may be too silly to think of it unless it is suggested to them.

3.  – spotted sheep

a) either white with black spots which are the ones who are generally well behaved but act out from time to time; they are gentlemen unless you cross them; they are likely to have an addictive personality and several bad habits.

b) black with white spots who are usually badly behaved but surprise you from time to time; you’ll be ready to dump him and as if sensing he’s pushed too far will try to save the situation with an elaborate romantic gesture. Unlikely by nature to settle down or change his ways. Likely to marry and get divorced.

4.  –wolves in sheep clothing –  The Player. He knows what he’s doing and he knows just what you want to hear.  He always seems like a white sheep but he never is. He’s the lover. One woman just isn’t enough for this guy. Runs at the sight of conflict or commitment.

5. – Marked sheep –  These guys may have been white or black but at one stage they were idealistic and probably romantic about relationships.  They have however been in a relationship that has forever branded them.  Either because it was so good or so bad that every relationship thereafter will forever trigger thoughts of the other party. The comparisons never end.  Their world centres around the memory of the other person.  The other person is likely to have dumped them, in which case you may be able to get through to them, or died, in which case you’ll forever be competing with a ghost.

6.- Mama’s sheep – A very special category indeed. They’re a lost cause.  Everything you do, make, wear, say will be compared with his mother.  If she doesn’t like you and he doesn’t stick up for you then do yourself a favour and bail.

I have since realised that this can be adapted to most people, not just men and that there are still a great many additions which can be made to this list.

Some men just aren’t emotionally or physically available even though they may be single and may appear interested in you.  If you’re going to play the game make sure that you know which sheep you are dealing with. Forewarned is forearmed.

Likewise men who aren’t single may be in a position where they seem available and may even go to the extent of pursuing you.  Respect yourself and the other relationship enough not to follow up on that.  If you hook up with a cheater you’ll forever wonder when he’s going to do the same to you.

Relationships are a dance and you have to find the right partner at the right time to the right tune to make it work.  You both have to be in a space where you are emotionally and physically available because simply being compatible or liking each other, even loving each other, isn’t enough to make a relationship work.

People may be unavailable for a variety of reason. They may simply not be ready. They may be figuring out who they are.  They may be trying to find their feet in a career environment. They may have unresolved issues.  They may have their priorities in life all wrong.  Whatever the reason may be always seek someone who is on the same wavelength as you and looking for the same thing.  Pay attention to the signals the people around you are giving off. Listen to what they are saying and what they’re not saying.  Match your expectations to the reality of what you are dealing with in order to avoid wasting your time waiting for the wrong person.




On Kissing Frogs

Grimm's Fairy Tales

Image by Follow the White Bunny via Flickr

So in the fairy taleprincess meets frog; frog tells princess that he has been cursed by a witch and is really a prince; princess kisses frog; frog turns into a prince; they get married; they live happily ever after.

Let us put this in a modern perspective: princess meets frog; frog tells her that he is under the spell of an evil woman; princess kisses frog; frog turns into a prince; they start dating; they get married (maybe); after a year or two he turns back into a frog; turns out the evil woman is his mother; evil woman is now princess’ mother-in-law; princess divorces frog.

If you remember nothing else that I have said then simply remember this one thing: you can change a man’s hairstyle but you can’t change the man.

Seriously ladies, if you are under the misapprehension that you can mould a human being into your own little grown up toy for life then it is time to start facing a few facts.
1. Fact 1 – Men lie. Men lie all the time. Most of them will only tell little white lies (i.e. how your butt looks in those pants) but some of them just lie compulsively as a means to an end.

2. Fact 2 – Men will do or say almost anything if they really want to get in your pants.

3. Fact 3 – A Man will pretend to be almost anything if he really wants you – either as his girlfriend or as his wife.

4. Fact 4 – Men will never remain changed. Sooner or later they will simply have to be who they are. It is inevitable.

Is it even fair of women to expect men to change? On some level we must know that it is never going to happen. We delude ourselves because it is comfortable to do so. The bottom line is this – either you love the frog just as he is or you don’t really love the frog. If there are any “I like this frog but I would like it if…” then you merely love who you want the frog to be. So for both your sakes just face the reality of your situation and either accept him for who he is or move on.

The Cinderella Crisis

Cinderella - Prince Charming & Cinderella

Image via Wikipedia

I have discovered a phenomenon in women that I shall henceforth refer to as ‘The Cinderella Crisis’. Allow me to elaborate. A lot of us grew up surrounded by fairy-tales. At one stage or another we all dreamt of Prince Charming – whomever our individual Prince Charmings may have been. Reality however is far removed from the pleasant fantasies we grew up with. There are a great many more Prince Dipshits and Prince Fuckwits out there than there are Prince Charmings. In fact Prince Charmings seem to be the exception rather than the rule.

And so we find ourselves with a conundrum. One that is so contrary to what was presented to us by what we believed in that we find ourselves stumped. We learn to accept the crumbs that get thrown to us. 50 years ago men at least still had the decency to pretend to be charming for social appearances, to woe us. Now they just move in and leave their dirty socks on the bathroom floor. You’re lucky if you even get to the point where you have a shiny stone put on your finger. Let alone walk down the aisle. Marriage is entirely optional and mostly preceded by pregnancy – if after pregnancy they even bother.

We’ve become so complacent and caught up with the conformity of feminism that we completely lost touch with the essence of womanhood, the essence of what we wanted before we were told a whole lot of other things. Such interesting creatures we are. So easily distracted by pretty words and pretty ideas.

My point is, we have a whole generation of Cinderellas who never got to the ball. A generation of women who look to the media – to publications like Cosmo; shows like Oprah; celebrities like Angelina Jolie – for guidance on life, love, sex and pretty much everything in the scope of the social framework. A generation of women in constant Crisis. Women with lives more filled with drama and tragedy than with romance and family. Some are content with this but many are just hovering in the same spot throughout life without knowing why. And so the Cinderella Crisis is born. Me – I’m just one of the ones who have learnt to process that.

Which one are you?


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