Category Archives: For The Girls

A Question of Availability

These days there are so many things that could be wrong with a guy and ladies I am not referring to body odour or any of the potential physical defects.  No.  I am in fact referring to something which we can’t detect so easily.  I am referring to availability.  Now you may think to yourself – ‘but surely that is not a problem?  Either a guy is single or he isn’t?’ But no, it is in fact far far more complicated than that.

When I was fresh out of school I formed a rather naive theory (naive as in limited not naive as in misplaced).  I called it the Sheep Theory which illustrated my very “high” opinion of men at that stage.  Though the theory had it’s faults some of it has relevance to this topic.

The Sheep Theory:

Men can basically be divided into 6 categories

1.  – black sheep – the ones who behave badly towards woman. guaranteed.  May appear in the form of a eligible bachelor an educated man. Usually jaded and cynical. Women scare him.

2.  – white sheep – the ones you want to take home to  meet your parents. They almost rush you into a relationship and then are likely take things slowly.  They are prone to be relationship hoppers. They are most likely to treat and surprise you though some of them may be too silly to think of it unless it is suggested to them.

3.  – spotted sheep

a) either white with black spots which are the ones who are generally well behaved but act out from time to time; they are gentlemen unless you cross them; they are likely to have an addictive personality and several bad habits.

b) black with white spots who are usually badly behaved but surprise you from time to time; you’ll be ready to dump him and as if sensing he’s pushed too far will try to save the situation with an elaborate romantic gesture. Unlikely by nature to settle down or change his ways. Likely to marry and get divorced.

4.  –wolves in sheep clothing –  The Player. He knows what he’s doing and he knows just what you want to hear.  He always seems like a white sheep but he never is. He’s the lover. One woman just isn’t enough for this guy. Runs at the sight of conflict or commitment.

5. – Marked sheep –  These guys may have been white or black but at one stage they were idealistic and probably romantic about relationships.  They have however been in a relationship that has forever branded them.  Either because it was so good or so bad that every relationship thereafter will forever trigger thoughts of the other party. The comparisons never end.  Their world centres around the memory of the other person.  The other person is likely to have dumped them, in which case you may be able to get through to them, or died, in which case you’ll forever be competing with a ghost.

6.- Mama’s sheep – A very special category indeed. They’re a lost cause.  Everything you do, make, wear, say will be compared with his mother.  If she doesn’t like you and he doesn’t stick up for you then do yourself a favour and bail.

I have since realised that this can be adapted to most people, not just men and that there are still a great many additions which can be made to this list.

Some men just aren’t emotionally or physically available even though they may be single and may appear interested in you.  If you’re going to play the game make sure that you know which sheep you are dealing with. Forewarned is forearmed.

Likewise men who aren’t single may be in a position where they seem available and may even go to the extent of pursuing you.  Respect yourself and the other relationship enough not to follow up on that.  If you hook up with a cheater you’ll forever wonder when he’s going to do the same to you.

Relationships are a dance and you have to find the right partner at the right time to the right tune to make it work.  You both have to be in a space where you are emotionally and physically available because simply being compatible or liking each other, even loving each other, isn’t enough to make a relationship work.

People may be unavailable for a variety of reason. They may simply not be ready. They may be figuring out who they are.  They may be trying to find their feet in a career environment. They may have unresolved issues.  They may have their priorities in life all wrong.  Whatever the reason may be always seek someone who is on the same wavelength as you and looking for the same thing.  Pay attention to the signals the people around you are giving off. Listen to what they are saying and what they’re not saying.  Match your expectations to the reality of what you are dealing with in order to avoid wasting your time waiting for the wrong person.

xx

Cinderella911


Perfect Skin Secrets

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Here are a few factors which might be causing your problem skin:

1.  Stress

2. Hormonal Imbalance

3.  Nutritional shortcomings

4. Existing skin infections/problems

5. Improper routine/incorrect products

6. External elements like pollution and smoke

SUPPLEMENTS:

What you put in affects your skin as much as what you put on.  By taking the following supplements you can avoid the problems altogether:

Fish Liver Oil – Vit A + D (preferably Vital)

Helps to keep your skin fresh and clear. Products like Roacutane use Vitamin A to solve skin problems but at a high cost to your health. By taking a smaller healthier dose, in the form of a supplement, you can still achieve the same.  The fish liver oil also acts as a natural disinfectant so when you get some bumps or infections it will help it to clear up more quickly.  If your skin is really bad you can take three of the small ones per day till it starts clearing up.

Omega 3 + 6 + 9

Helps the skin heal and regenerate more quickly.

Ginette35 (the generic of Diane35)

For women only.  It stabilizes your hormones so zits and acne and bumps are less likely to occur. Also makes pores appear smaller.

Vitamin B Complex

Helps to fight the effects of stress and vitamin deficiency.  For fastest results Vitamin B shot can be taken – just ask your doctor or pharmacist about it.

PRODUCTS:

Vichy Normaderm Exfoliating facewash – for use once bumps and zits are clear

Vichy Normaderm gel facewash – for use on affected areas (you can use the toner too but it is not a necessity

Benzac Gel – Use this at night. Will clear up zits, pimples, acne. If a reaction occurs take a piece of cotton, wet with water and use that to apply the gel.

Dalacin T Lotion – Use this every morning. It will clear up bumps and whiteheads and blackheads.

Environ Claytech Mask – Use once a week to purify skin.  It not only feeds the skin but helps to soothe it. Using a clay mask helps lift impurities and balance skin. This one is the best I’ve encountered.

Glycolic peels – Removes top layers of skin. I recommend sticking to natural fruit acid based ones.  In cases of really troubled skin you could do a series of 4, one a week, to clear the skin more quickly. I can recommend Guinot and Regim-A. The treatment removes the layers of dead skin, encourages new skin to grow and dries problem areas causing it to peel. It is also great in the treatment of some cases of scarring and pigmentation.

*A prescription may be necessary for use of Benzac, Dalicin T and Ginette35, ask your doctor or dermatologist to supply you with one.

HANDY TIPS

1.  Wash your face with a facecloth. It’s great for minimising pores. Change the cloth regularly, daily if you can, so bacteria doesn’t gather.

2.  Keep a separate towel for drying you face.

3.  Only wear make-up when you have to and clean face immediately after. No matter how good the product excessive use can clog the pores. Your skin needs a chance to breathe.

4. Don’t use an abrasive exfoliator on infected areas, if you have to exfoliate only work on the areas around the infection/s otherwise you could just be spreading the problem.  When your skin is clear use a daily exfoliating wash that contains salicylic acid.

5.  Always hydrate and/or moisturise skin after exfoliating, scrubbing or removing skin cells in any way as you’ve just removed the skins natural barrier and protective layer. The more vulnerable your skin the higher protection you need from the sun otherwise pigmentation is more likely to occur. Always opt for an spf of 30 or higher.

6.  Wash your hands regularly and try not to touch or rub at or pick at the skin on your face.

7.  Keep your hair clean and, when possible, off your face.  Your hair is oilier than imagined and product you use on it may also have a reaction with your skin when in constant contact.

8.  Blot shine with tissue or blotting paper instead of powdering.

9. Don’t overwash your face, stick to twice a day.

10. Drink lots of water and eat lots of fruit and green leafy veg.

Please note that you should always consult your doctor or pharmacist when trying new products, if something doesn’t work for you find something better.


You’re not Perfect (and you don’t have to be)

There is definitely something to be said for taking pride in yourself and your work but we place a great deal of unnecessary stress and pressure on ourselves by having unrealistic expectations and ideals.  I suppose a part of the problem lies in the fact that we live in a society where we constantly compare ourselves, weigh ourselves; and when you compare your bank account to Bill Gates (who really ain’t that great) or expect yourself to look like the model on the billboard or expect your boyfriend to be the next Brad Pitt then yes, you are setting yourself up for epic failure.

explored

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Not all of us are destined to be the next multibillionare. The model in the window was selected from the best of the best, then she had her hair and make-up done, was styled by a professional, photographed at the best possible angle and to top it all off, retouched by airbrushing afterwards.  As for the hunt for Brad Pitt… let’s face it people, genetics was just too ridiculously kind, the rest of the men out there are normal, average looking, good kinda blokes and you should stop  judging the book by its cover anyway.

We live in a society where we are constantly bombarded with what we should look like, who we should be.  Magazines and adverts tell us what to wear, how to look.  It occurs far too often that people try to no avail to be the next celebrity.  What is wrong with just being you?  You’re human, you’re imperfect and there is nothing wrong with that.  Don’t let your magazine tell you otherwise.

I’m not saying that you should stop trying to improve yourself or strive for greatness.  I’m not saying that you should sell yourself short or settle for second best.  I’m saying that you are perfectly you.  Instead of setting unrealistic expectations and wasting hours and days and weeks of your life pursuing vanity, wasting your hard-earned money on products and clothes and stuff that probably doesn’t even work anyway…  you should perhaps rather consider just loving yourself, as you are, wrinkles and cellulite included.

I’ve been a plus model for the last 4 years and one of my greatest banes has been trying to keep up that appearance.  People think modelling is a walk in the park and that all models look amazing but I tell you now that that is not the case.  It is the shallowest most fickle career on the face of the planet.  I also give you my personal guarantee that none of us look the way we look in the ads.  If I try to maintain that kind of appearance I would be wasting my life away because grooming is good but spending your life in front of a mirror is not a life well lived.

So please for the love of all that is right and holy give yourself a break. You’re not perfect, I’m not perfect, none of us are perfect.  It is our individual imperfections that make us so very endearing. We are exactly the way that we should be so rather than trying to look like Angelina Jolie simply be the best that YOU can be, don’t compare yourself or your face or your nose or your hair with that of other people.  Love yourself first as you are or you will never be happy.

So go to the store without make-up, go a week without straightening your hair, I promise you… the world will not end.  Skip reading that beauty magazine dictating your life and your behaviour for a month or three and see what happens.  Look to the ads only to find the things that you need rather than let them dictate your life.  Find your own style.  Find your own look.  And in so doing find your own happiest most beautiful self.  Don’t set yourself up for failure, live each day as if it were your first, the world is your canvas and you are meant to play.  Who wants to be a carbon copy of someone else when you can be your own wonderful unique self?

xx Cinderella911


V-Day D-Day – the good, the bad and the origins

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Something about Valentine’s Day just sets women up for epic failure.  It creates so much expectation and anticipation.  There aren’t that many men out there who have the initiative and romantic streak to give a girl that ‘Hollywood moment’ that so many girls crave.  For a lot of men it’s just another day.

Women on the other hand make a big fuss about it.  I’d have to say that with my peer group it dates back all the way to when someone had the stupid idea to let children buy roses for each other in school.  Voila – a new popularity ranking system is born and soon women start estimating their worth according to the amount of roses they receive.  Enter epic failure and the feeling of rejection when you don’t get any.

As a result of systems like that I have always had mixed feelings about Valentine’s Day.  I am a closet case romantic so on some occasions I love getting crafty and being a source of joy to others.  Those years I enjoy tremendously.  I enjoy it even more when some random stranger has the same initiative.  There are other years though that I just hate it.  The years where you have a total Bridget Jones meltdown.  Worst one I ever had was when my date just failed to pitch.  I sat on the couch and finished an entire bottle of red wine whilst watching a crappy movie.  His excuse was that he “Didn’t know I really wanted him to come over”  Duh.  We had a date.  It was Valentine’s Day.  Needless to say the relationship was a short lived one.  Another crappy year was when the guy I was dating at the time didn’t even have the courtesy of sending me an SMS.

Still there have been some good years – one of my favourites was when a graphic designer designed me my own valentine’s day card from scratch – it was beautifully modelled non-existent flower with a sweet message that he emailed to me.  Those days make all the morbid suffering worthwhile.

Not all of us need grand gestures or expensive bouquets.  It is about the thought more than anything else.  The gesture that expresses the affection, adoration or whatever else it may be in your case.  I’m rather simple in that way – it doesn’t take much to please me, not that I don’t love a ridiculously priced bouquet but I’m perfectly happy with a single wild daisy as long as it’s presented by a boy I like.

Unfortunately Valentine’s Day has gotten so commercialized that sometimes we forget about what it’s really about.  All we see are hearts, chocolates and flowers.  The modern representation has boiled down to love and happiness or rejection and loneliness.

So I would like to take a moment to remind myself and all of you about the real meaning behind Valentine’s Day. *insert corny music here*

Valentine’s day as we know it now originated in the 14th century but the legend dates back to Rome.  The priest it was named after died and was buried on February 14, 269 AD.  His story was a simple but touching one and has since touched all of our lives in one way or another without our knowing it.  During the time he lived the Roman Emperor Claudius Gothicus was building up an army.  He forbade marriages because he thought that if they remain unmarried then soldiers would sign up more easily for his campaigns and would be less reluctant to leave their homes behind.  St Valentine ignored the law and continued to marry Christian couples in secret, he also aided persecuted Christians.  Eventually he was caught, jailed and sentenced to death. Many of the couples he married and some of the young people who believed in his cause threw notes and flowers through his cell window.  One of his admirers was his jailors daughter and she was permitted to visit him.  By doing this she kept him in good spirits.  On the day he was executed he left her a note signed “Love from your Valentine”.  The poor man was beaten with clubs, stoned and then beheaded but his faith in love started a wonderful annual tradition of note writing and flower giving in honour of love and the sacrifice he made on behalf of his belief in it.  Amidst all of the commercialism many of us have forgotten this message.

There is another facet to this story though – Valentine’s Day also coincided with the day that the Romans celebrated Lupercalia (a pagan festival in honour of Juno, goddess of love and marriage, queen of the other gods and goddesses).  On the 14th of February the Romans would hold a ‘love lottery’ during which the girls’ names were placed in jars and drawn randomly by the boys.  They were then paired up for the remainder of the festival and in special cases where they fell in love they were paired for life.  Some believe that the 14th century priests invented the legend in order to cover and replace the pagan roots.  The priests eventually changed the tradition by choosing that day for a feast during which they would choose saints for patrons.

Either way the 14th of February is a day for loving and celebrating love.  This doesn’t even require an admirer with flowers, it just requires that we remember and love the special people in our lives and love itself.  So even if you don’t have a Valentine of your own, remember what the day stands for.

XXX

With Love


On Kissing Frogs

Grimm's Fairy Tales

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So in the fairy taleprincess meets frog; frog tells princess that he has been cursed by a witch and is really a prince; princess kisses frog; frog turns into a prince; they get married; they live happily ever after.

Let us put this in a modern perspective: princess meets frog; frog tells her that he is under the spell of an evil woman; princess kisses frog; frog turns into a prince; they start dating; they get married (maybe); after a year or two he turns back into a frog; turns out the evil woman is his mother; evil woman is now princess’ mother-in-law; princess divorces frog.

If you remember nothing else that I have said then simply remember this one thing: you can change a man’s hairstyle but you can’t change the man.

Seriously ladies, if you are under the misapprehension that you can mould a human being into your own little grown up toy for life then it is time to start facing a few facts.
1. Fact 1 – Men lie. Men lie all the time. Most of them will only tell little white lies (i.e. how your butt looks in those pants) but some of them just lie compulsively as a means to an end.

2. Fact 2 – Men will do or say almost anything if they really want to get in your pants.

3. Fact 3 – A Man will pretend to be almost anything if he really wants you – either as his girlfriend or as his wife.

4. Fact 4 – Men will never remain changed. Sooner or later they will simply have to be who they are. It is inevitable.

Is it even fair of women to expect men to change? On some level we must know that it is never going to happen. We delude ourselves because it is comfortable to do so. The bottom line is this – either you love the frog just as he is or you don’t really love the frog. If there are any “I like this frog but I would like it if…” then you merely love who you want the frog to be. So for both your sakes just face the reality of your situation and either accept him for who he is or move on.


The Cinderella Crisis

Cinderella - Prince Charming & Cinderella

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I have discovered a phenomenon in women that I shall henceforth refer to as ‘The Cinderella Crisis’. Allow me to elaborate. A lot of us grew up surrounded by fairy-tales. At one stage or another we all dreamt of Prince Charming – whomever our individual Prince Charmings may have been. Reality however is far removed from the pleasant fantasies we grew up with. There are a great many more Prince Dipshits and Prince Fuckwits out there than there are Prince Charmings. In fact Prince Charmings seem to be the exception rather than the rule.

And so we find ourselves with a conundrum. One that is so contrary to what was presented to us by what we believed in that we find ourselves stumped. We learn to accept the crumbs that get thrown to us. 50 years ago men at least still had the decency to pretend to be charming for social appearances, to woe us. Now they just move in and leave their dirty socks on the bathroom floor. You’re lucky if you even get to the point where you have a shiny stone put on your finger. Let alone walk down the aisle. Marriage is entirely optional and mostly preceded by pregnancy – if after pregnancy they even bother.

We’ve become so complacent and caught up with the conformity of feminism that we completely lost touch with the essence of womanhood, the essence of what we wanted before we were told a whole lot of other things. Such interesting creatures we are. So easily distracted by pretty words and pretty ideas.

My point is, we have a whole generation of Cinderellas who never got to the ball. A generation of women who look to the media – to publications like Cosmo; shows like Oprah; celebrities like Angelina Jolie – for guidance on life, love, sex and pretty much everything in the scope of the social framework. A generation of women in constant Crisis. Women with lives more filled with drama and tragedy than with romance and family. Some are content with this but many are just hovering in the same spot throughout life without knowing why. And so the Cinderella Crisis is born. Me – I’m just one of the ones who have learnt to process that.

Which one are you?

XX
Cinderella911


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