A Question of Availability

These days there are so many things that could be wrong with a guy and ladies I am not referring to body odour or any of the potential physical defects.  No.  I am in fact referring to something which we can’t detect so easily.  I am referring to availability.  Now you may think to yourself – ‘but surely that is not a problem?  Either a guy is single or he isn’t?’ But no, it is in fact far far more complicated than that.

When I was fresh out of school I formed a rather naive theory (naive as in limited not naive as in misplaced).  I called it the Sheep Theory which illustrated my very “high” opinion of men at that stage.  Though the theory had it’s faults some of it has relevance to this topic.

The Sheep Theory:

Men can basically be divided into 6 categories

1.  – black sheep – the ones who behave badly towards woman. guaranteed.  May appear in the form of a eligible bachelor an educated man. Usually jaded and cynical. Women scare him.

2.  – white sheep – the ones you want to take home to  meet your parents. They almost rush you into a relationship and then are likely take things slowly.  They are prone to be relationship hoppers. They are most likely to treat and surprise you though some of them may be too silly to think of it unless it is suggested to them.

3.  – spotted sheep

a) either white with black spots which are the ones who are generally well behaved but act out from time to time; they are gentlemen unless you cross them; they are likely to have an addictive personality and several bad habits.

b) black with white spots who are usually badly behaved but surprise you from time to time; you’ll be ready to dump him and as if sensing he’s pushed too far will try to save the situation with an elaborate romantic gesture. Unlikely by nature to settle down or change his ways. Likely to marry and get divorced.

4.  –wolves in sheep clothing –  The Player. He knows what he’s doing and he knows just what you want to hear.  He always seems like a white sheep but he never is. He’s the lover. One woman just isn’t enough for this guy. Runs at the sight of conflict or commitment.

5. – Marked sheep –  These guys may have been white or black but at one stage they were idealistic and probably romantic about relationships.  They have however been in a relationship that has forever branded them.  Either because it was so good or so bad that every relationship thereafter will forever trigger thoughts of the other party. The comparisons never end.  Their world centres around the memory of the other person.  The other person is likely to have dumped them, in which case you may be able to get through to them, or died, in which case you’ll forever be competing with a ghost.

6.- Mama’s sheep – A very special category indeed. They’re a lost cause.  Everything you do, make, wear, say will be compared with his mother.  If she doesn’t like you and he doesn’t stick up for you then do yourself a favour and bail.

I have since realised that this can be adapted to most people, not just men and that there are still a great many additions which can be made to this list.

Some men just aren’t emotionally or physically available even though they may be single and may appear interested in you.  If you’re going to play the game make sure that you know which sheep you are dealing with. Forewarned is forearmed.

Likewise men who aren’t single may be in a position where they seem available and may even go to the extent of pursuing you.  Respect yourself and the other relationship enough not to follow up on that.  If you hook up with a cheater you’ll forever wonder when he’s going to do the same to you.

Relationships are a dance and you have to find the right partner at the right time to the right tune to make it work.  You both have to be in a space where you are emotionally and physically available because simply being compatible or liking each other, even loving each other, isn’t enough to make a relationship work.

People may be unavailable for a variety of reason. They may simply not be ready. They may be figuring out who they are.  They may be trying to find their feet in a career environment. They may have unresolved issues.  They may have their priorities in life all wrong.  Whatever the reason may be always seek someone who is on the same wavelength as you and looking for the same thing.  Pay attention to the signals the people around you are giving off. Listen to what they are saying and what they’re not saying.  Match your expectations to the reality of what you are dealing with in order to avoid wasting your time waiting for the wrong person.




2 responses to “A Question of Availability

  • bellabeauty

    Another fab and true post!!!! It makes me think of the situation I am in right now, and how I need to realize (just like what you said) that no matter how much you think you should be together if you’re both not in the right place or time in your life its just not gonna work and that’s so true. I just wish it was easier said than done..lol

  • cinderella911

    Glad you liked it. 😀 Like you said it is easier said than done. At least you have your eyes open, which means you are no victim and no puppet on a string. When you know what you’ve let yourself in for it makes damage control a lot easier. Some people delude themselves to the point of planning their white picket fences and weddings only to realize (in the saddest cases after years) that marriage just isn’t on the cards for them. I think the biggest mistake people make could possibly be not being honest with each other about what they’re looking for, probably because that opens us up to a world of potential pain. Sadly in avoiding the brief pain in the present we set ourselves up for an exponential amount of it in the future. Good luck with your situation, learn what you can, have fun, make the experience worth it and when the time comes to move on and find your forever man it’ll be a lesson in life and fond memories rather than time wasted.

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